Explore the most memorable and humorous quotes from Abbott Elementary, the beloved TV series. From insightful to downright hilarious, these 25 quotes capture the essence of the show.
Abbott Elementary tells the story of a group of teachers who are brought together in one of the worst public schools in the country simply because they love to teach.
Abbott Elementary Quotes
1- “Discipline is an incredibly important part of a child’s development. When I was a kid, if I did anything childlike — yell, run around, just generally have a zest for life — I would be put on time out, and I would have to reckon with the fact that I had committed a failure of character. And that is how I became the well-adjusted man that stands before you today.” – Gregory
2- “I’ve been talking about my ex too much. Jacob tells me I sound like a lesbian. ” -Janine
3- “Normally I encourage cheating, but girl, you gots to let me know.” -Ava
4- “You know, Thursday is low-key the sexiest day of the week.” -Melissa
5- “You know I’m a feminist. That’s why I let you pay for all my stuff.” -Tariq
6- “That’s a cute shirt … it would look much better on me. You know what? Give it to me.” -Ava
7- “Thinking about turning that into my woman cave. My lady lair. Somewhere I can take naps and watch Housewives. Do you think I could fit a jacuzzi in there?” -Ava
8- “Y’all make sure you stretch out — I forgot to have you sign the liability waivers.” -Ava
9- “I would ask what I would bring, but I already know that I’m enough.” -Ava
10- “Don’t tell me what kind of day to have — getting all presumptuous and rude.” -Ava
11- “This is my art. I write, I edit, I direct, I do the music, I lip-sync. Because of me, when people say that their favorite director is that Ava lady, somebody else gotta be like, which one?” -Ava
12 – “She pale like a zombie! You know they eat the hottest people first. Let me back my tasty ass up.” -Ava
13- “Fix the outside, the inside takes care of itself.” -Ava
Abbott Elementary Season 2 Quotes
14- “I’m pretty sure that was I’ll beam you up. Like, clearly she’s a Trekie. She wants to beam her up on her ship. Her friendship.” -Janine
15- “I’m a pacifist. Ya mess with me, I’ll pass a fist across your face.” -Mr. Johnson
16- “We may not have discretionary funds, but we’ve got grits, guts, and a lot of chocolate!” – Barbara
17- “That’s called game. You’ll learn about it one day.” -Maurice
18- “Oh my. God is a woman!” -Jacob
19- “What you doing here, Henry? You here to warn me about the flood?” -Ava
20- “I promise you don’t have to worry about any backs getting blown.” -Janine
21- “You are not a principal, Gregory. You are but a child.” – Barbara
22- “Accident, Schmaccident. I smell arson. Ask any of my exes. It’s always arson. I blame Waiting to Exhale” -Mr. Johnson
23- “The Schemmenti’s have a rich history in firefighting. Also fighting fighting” -Melissa
24- “I’ve been looking for a good fight ever since my exterminator died. I’m ready!” -Melissa
25- “Times New Roman — the most decisive of the fonts.” -Jacob
