Moe Syslak Quotes: Moe Szyslak is a fictional character on the animated television series “The Simpsons.” He is the proprietor of Moe’s Tavern, the local bar in the town of Springfield. Moe is known for his gruff and cynical personality, as well as his often unsuccessful attempts to run a successful business.
Moe’s Tavern is a popular hangout spot for many of the show’s characters, including Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, and Lenny Leonard. It is a central location for various humorous and memorable scenes throughout “The Simpsons.”
Moe Syslak Quotes
1. “Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
2. “I’m better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
3. “I hate this Homer [expletive] with his beautiful wife and loving family, when all I got is this doorway.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
4. “I’m gonna die, and I’ve never even tasted cantaloupe!” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
5. “Look at me, sitting here depressed when I’m surrounded by the happiest people in the world: writers.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
6. “I don’t need your fair-weather friendship is what I’ll be saying tomorrow morning.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
7. “Homer: Where’s that waitress of yours?
Moe: Oh, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.” ― “The Simpsons”
8. “I’m Moe Szyslak. Growing up, I had roundworm. Heck, I was more worm than man some months. I dabbled in satanism until I was asked to leave. Oh, and one month, I ate nothing by aquarium fish.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
9. “Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I’m not cheap, baby. I’m embarrassed to be seen with you. There’s a big difference.” ― “The Simpsons”
10. “My dad was a circus freak, but my mom don’t remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
11. (singing) “Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me. I feel so damn lonely […] cries in hands and many more!” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
12. “I’ve been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
13. “These eye clamps are the only way I can tolerate today’s TV.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
14. “You guys cost me my chance with a woman of a certain age!” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
15. “Moe: Sounds like you’re having a rough Christmas. You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.
Homer: Yeah, you’re right, Moe. You’re always Moe.” ― “The Simpsons”
16. “King of thieves, we worship you!” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
17. “Simon: How do you like LA?
Moe: It’s a hell of a city. It’s like someone stepped on New York and scraped it off on the beach.” ― “The Simpsons”
18. “Think of it as a wake-up call from a man with nothin’ but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Shouldn’t have used helium.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
19. “Moe: Moe’s Tavern.
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Klozoff.
Moe: Hold on. I’ll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!” ― “The Simpsons
20. “Apu: Are you suggesting we should steal?
Moe: Hey, it ain’t stealing if you take it fast.” ― “The Simpsons”
21 “Moe: Actually, I’m half monster, half Armenian. Pick your poison.” ― “The Simpsons”
22. “Moe: You know, I think I’ll volunteer, too.
Barney: Why’d you say ‘too?’
Moe: Well, I assume I’m not the first one.” ― “The Simpsons”
23. “Moe: Now let’s have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson.
Barney: How long has it been?
Moe: Six seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
Moe: Hell no.” ― “The Simpsons”
24. “Homer: Moe, I need your advice… See, I’ve got this friend named Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Moe: That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard.
Guy: (Runs out of the bar, crying)
Barney: Aye! Joey Joe Joe!” ― “The Simpsons”
25. “Carl: Hey can you fix the sound?
Lenny: And the color?
Moe: And show it in a regular theatre?” ― “The Simpsons”
26. “Homer: Hurry, Moe, hurry! I’ve only got five minutes till the music store closes!
Moe: Well, why don’t you go there first?
Homer: Hey, do I tell you how to do your job?” ― “The Simpsons”
27. “Homer: Moe, can we talk?
Moe: Are you crazy? It’s 500 degrees in here! (Checks thermometer) Oh no, wait, it’s only 495. What’s on your mind?” ― “The Simpsons”
28. “Moe: Do you mind riding a cute little scooter with your arms around my waist?
Princess Kemi: I don’t!
Moe: To the scooter store!” ― “The Simpsons”
29. “Moe: Hey Clinton, get back to work!
Bill Clinton: Bite me.” ― “The Simpsons”
30. “Well, It’s hard to say, He may have come up with the recipe, but I came up with the idea of charging $6.95 for it.” ― Moe Szyslak, “The Simpsons”
