Barney Gumble Quotes: Barney Gumble is a fictional character on the animated television series “The Simpsons.” He is one of the recurring characters on the show and is voiced by Dan Castellaneta, who also provides the voice for other characters like Homer Simpson.
Barney Gumble is depicted as Homer Simpson’s best friend and is known for his excessive drinking and love for alcohol. He is often seen at Moe’s Tavern, the local bar in Springfield, where he spends much of his time drinking and socializing with other patrons.
Barney Gumble Quotes
1. “If we’ve learned anything from the Full Monty, it’s that in a tough economy ugly people strip for money.” –Barney Gumble
2. “Marge, you gotta watch out. Your little boy, Bart, could have been eaten by that pony!”-Barney Gumble
3. “Man, that’s classic compulsive behavior. Wow, free beer!”-Barney Gumble
4. “I don’t know where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink!”-Barney Gumble
5. “Uh oh, my heart just stopped….. oh, there it goes.”-Barney Gumble
6. “Alright, a peanut!”-Barney Gumble
7. “Holy Cow! Homer just fell on Aerosmith!”-Barney Gumble
8. “Barney: I haven’t been able to find a job in six years.
Kent Brockman: Hmph. And what training do you have?
Barney: Five years of modern dance, six years of tap.”-Barney Gumble
9. “Barney: David Crosby? You’re my hero!
Crosby: Oh, you like my music?
Barney: You’re a musician?”-Barney Gumble
10. “Barney: David Crosby? You’re my hero!
Crosby: Oh, you like my music?
Barney: You’re a musician?”-Barney Gumble
11. “Barney: (whacking invisible snakes) Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Lenny: You gettin’ ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What’s Whacking Day?”-Barney Gumble
12. “Barney: If Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
Homer: Barney, I’m not getting a sex change!”-Barney Gumble
13. “Barney: What are these axes for?
Chief Wiggum: I dunno, chopping stuff.
Barney: Gotcha. (chops down the Simpson’s mailbox)
Chief Wiggum: That’s some nice choppin’.”-Barney Gumble
14. “Barney: You know, I heard the jackpot is up to one hundred and thirty million dollars.
Homer: PFF!…ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS!!!!
Barney: Did you say one hundred and thirty million dollars?
Homer: Yeah!
Barney: Wow!”-Barney Gumble
15. “Barney: Hey, what’s this?
Moe: A sneeze guard.
Barney: (sneezes) Wow, it really works!”-Barney Gumble
16. “Barney: (To Patty) My friend and I have a bet. Are you Mary Tyler Moore?
(Patty sprays mace in Barney’s eyes.)
Barney: Ow! Wow, it really is you!”-Barney Gumble
17. “Barney: I had to give a speech once. I was pretty nervous, so I used a little trick. I picture everyone in their underwear. The judge, the jury, my lawyer, everybody.
Homer: Did it work?
Barney: I’m a free man, ain’t I?”-Barney Gumble
18. “Barney: Wanna go to the prom with me?
Kim: Good God! No!
Barney: Well put.”-Barney Gumble
19. “Barney: Hey Homer! You’re late for English!
Homer: Pff! English, who needs that? I’m never going to England! Come on. Let’s go smoke.”-Barney Gumble
20. “Barney: Hi, Estelle, will you go to the prom with me?
Estelle: I wouldn’t go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould.
Barney: Oh shot down again.”-Barney Gumble
21. “Barney: If you get hungry in the middle of the night, there’s an open beer in the fridge.
(Homer gazes out of Barney’s window.)
Homer: Look, Barney. See the row of tiny lights up there? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that’s rough, pal. (Dials phone) Hello, Marge. You left your damn porch light on!
Homer: Barney!
Barney: Homer’s not made of money, you know!
Marge: Who is this?
(Homer takes the phone away from Barney.)
Homer: Don’t listen to him, Marge. He’s–
Marge: Oh, it’s you. Hmph. (Hangs up phone.)
Homer: Oh”-Barney Gumble
22. “Barney: I got me a part time job working as a Santa down at the mall.
Homer: Wow, can I do that?
Barney: I dunno, they’re pretty selective. (Barney belches loudly)”-Barney Gumble
23 “Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives. At least until you’ve heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh, about twenty-three minutes and five seconds.” –Barney Gumble
24. “Homer: My wife’s gonna leave me ’cause she thinks I’m a pig.
Moe: Homer.
Homer: What?
Moe: Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar!
Homer: (Shocked) What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
Barney: You’re even more of a pig than I am. (Belches)
Homer: Oh, no!
Moe: See? You’re a pig. Barney’s a pig, Larry’s a pig. We’re all pigs!”-Barney Gumble
25. “(Homer runs through the town rejoicing about his new hair.)
Homer: Good morning, Moe’s Tavern!
Barney: Hey! It’s the president!”-Barney Gumble
26. “(At Moe’s, the guys try to get Homer to tell his story about moving to Capital City.)
Barney: So, Homer, what happened in Capital City?
Homer: Oh, Barney.
Moe: Come on, Homer. We’re dyin’ of curiosity.
Homer: Look, there’s only one thing worse than being a loser. It’s being one of those guys who sits in a bar telling the story of how he became a loser. And I never want that to happen to me!
Barney: Please, Homer?
Moe: Yeah, come on, Homer.
Homer: Well, okay. It all started on Nuclear Plant Employee, Spouses and No More Than Three Children Night, down at Springfield Stadium”-Barney Gumble
27. “(Scene cuts back and forth between Homer at Moe’s and Bart at home, who are watching the same wrestling match on TV)
Milhouse: Hey, that’s my seat.
Bart: Correction, was your seat.
(Cut to Moe’s Tavern)
Barney: But I only got up to go the the can!-Barney Gumble
Homer: Hey, I don’t see your name engraved on this bar stool.”
28. “Waiter: (to Homer) Steak or chicken?
Homer: One of each, please.
Barney: (running naked) Coming through!
Homer: Barney!!!”-Barney Gumble
29. “Young Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don’t gain a pound.
Young Homer: It’s my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I’m just one of the lucky ones.”-Barney Gumble
30. “(Principal Dondalinger catches Homer and Barney smoking in the bathroom.)
Dondalinger: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, Springfield’s answer to “Cheech and Chong.” Allow me, gentlemen. (Grabs their cigarettes and tosses them in the toilet.) You just bought yourselves three days of detention. You know where and when.
Homer and Barney: (In unison.) Three o’clock, old building, room 106.”-Barney Gumble
