Discover 87 hilarious and relatable quotes from Nick Miller, a beloved character from the TV show New Girl. Get entertained and inspired by this collection of witty and memorable lines from one of the show’s most iconic characters.
Nick Miller Quotes
1- “We can’t break up if I don’t hear you. No! La, la, la, la.” – Nick Miller
2- “I don’t deal with exes. They’re part of the past. You burn them swiftly and give their ashes to Poseidon.” – Nick Miller
3- “You can go to my funeral but you can’t talk. My funeral is my time to shine.” – Nick Miller
4- “I once had a bass teacher when I was younger who did the standing bass. He had a very weird smell, and I still think about it.” – Nick Miller
5- “I’ve got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms.” – Nick Miller
6- “No, I don’t dance. I’m from the town in Footloose.” – Nick Miller
7- “Sucks for me!” – Nick Miller
8- “I don’t believe dinosaurs existed. I’ve seen the science. I don’t believe it.” – Nick Miller
9- “Nothing is ever truly broken.” – Nick Miller
10- “Drinking to forget? That’s my sweet spot!” – Nick Miller
11- “Leprechauns are real.” – Nick Miller
12- “I like your hat. I like how it’s not a team or a logo – it’s just blue.” – Nick Miller
13- “Adele’s amazing.” – Nick Miller
14- “Life sucks! And then it gets better, and then it sucks again.” – Nick Miller
15- “I’m perfectly fine to watch TV all day.” – Nick Miller
16- “Absolutely not. No! I don’t trust fish. They breathe water… that’s crazy.” – Nick Miller
17- “I once saw a zebra named Gavin give birth at the zoo, and I cried hysterically.” – Nick Miller
18- “I hate doors!” – Nick Miller
19- “You’re a terrible person. It’s hilarious.” – Nick Miller
20- “I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.” – Nick Miller
21- “You’re a freaking gold digger, Jess!” – Nick Miller
22- “I want magic, is that so bad?” – Nick Miller
23- “I fell in love with Jess the minute she walked through the door.” – Nick Miller
24- “So I have good news from the doctor — you don’t have rabies. You have giardia, and something called “Legionnaires Disease.” – Nick Miller
25- “If I can’t have a kid with a woman, then maybe I’ll have one with my cousin.” – Nick Miller
26- “He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie ‘Multiplicity’ 25 times.” – Nick Miller
27- “I’m gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you.” – Nick Miller
28- “Schmidt, I have to ask you a favor. It’s about my clothes.” – Nick Miller
29- “Trust me, I’m wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing.” – Nick Miller
30- “Fantasy and nightmare colliding.” – Nick Miller
31- “I put on my special underwear because Jess is back because I made a promise I’d be wearing these when you came back.” – Nick Miller
32- “It’s a weird life, but it’s where I’m at right now.” – Nick Miller
33- “Everybody has been flashed countless times, right?” – Nick Miller
34- “Look at those horny horny hippos.” – Nick Miller
35- “That explains why they’re so sticky. Sticky Nicky eats anything and I don’t get sick.” – Nick Miller
36- “I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less doughnuts.” – Nick Miller
37- “Twenty-year-old girls! They’re awesome! They don’t know what Saved by the Bell is, and they’ve never felt pain!” – Nick Miller
38- “She’s got that giant heart that’s part compass and part flashlight and she’s just the greatest person I have ever met.” – Nick Miller
39- “Men don’t talk to people they’ve dated unless they want sex, or they’re Winston.” – Nick Miller
40- “Look at that font! What is this? Amateur hour? At least use Palatino.” – Nick Miller
41- “You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie.” – Nick Miller
42- “I like getting older, I feel like I’m aging into my personality.” – Nick Miller
43- “You’re a big girl, you can watch Walking Dead alone.” – Nick Miller
44- “I know this isn’t gonna end well, but the whole middle part is going to be awesome.” – Nick Miller
45- “I’m like a mailman, but instead of mail, it’s hot sex that I deliver.” – Nick Miller
46- “Hey everyone I’m Julius Pepperwood, ex-cop, ex-marine…I’m from Chicago. Thin crust pizza? No thank you, I’m from Chicago.” – Nick Miller
47- “It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness.” – Nick Miller
48- “That’s hot to me. You add some sweatpants to that and that is better than porn.” – Nick Miller
49- “Life sucks. Then it gets better. Then it sucks again.” – Nick Miller
50- “I bought 10,000 minutes in 1999 and I’m still using them.” – Nick Miller
51- “If you were a hat, you’d be a top hat. But like a really big Monopoly one. And I say that with deepest compliments.” – Nick Miller
52- “I don’t know if Hogwarts is near San Diego. I’ve never heard of it.” – Nick Miller
53- “DeeDee? That’s not a name.” – Nick Miller
54- “You’re a real sandwich lady, and I wanna scream your name across the ocean.” – Nick Miller
55- “I need to eat my way out of a sandwich house.” – Nick Miller
56- “I like chipmunks more than squirrels.” – Nick Miller
57- “Look, we’re not trying to be mean. We just don’t want you to be yourself… in any way.” – Nick Miller
58- “I don’t know what ‘mazel tov’ means, but it doesn’t sound good.” – Nick Miller
59- “No part of this conversation is making me wanna boil over with rage.” – Nick Miller
60- “A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls.” – Nick Miller
61- “I have decided to give up on women and put all of that energy into tomatoes.” – Nick Miller
62- “I’m not convinced I know how to read; I’ve just memorized a lot of words.” – Nick Miller
63- “What is money anyway? It’s just paper that some king on a mountain said was worth something. Gold, I understand; it’s shiny.” – Nick Miller
64- “Is calling a girl ‘Shorty’ still cool?” – Nick Miller
65- “I only wanna make a drink a coal miner would want. Straight forward. Honest. Something that says, ‘I work in a hole.’” – Nick Miller
66- Do you know sucks about getting older? Your friends have known you way too long, they got too much on you. I want to have friends to still lie to me because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. I sadly kind of mean that.” – Nick Miller
67- “The sky’s too fickle. It’s a play-place for butterflies.” – Nick Miller
68- “First order of business, we eat their food.” – Nick Miller
69- “When I work out, which isn’t often, I listen to Huey Lewis because it pumps me up.” – Nick Miller
70- “I’ve done things. I wrote half a book about zombies!” – Nick Miller
71- “If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called ‘talkings.’” – Nick Miller
72- “I know this isn’t gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.” – Nick Miller
73- “I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer.” – Nick Miller
74- “I refuse to pay for the weefee.” – Nick Miller
75- “I am not a successful adult. I don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.” – Nick Miller
76- “I really like when a rap song uses a choir. It makes me feel really happy with all those ladies’ voices coming and then the guy’s rapping. I think it’s awesome.” – Nick Miller
77- “I moved to Los Angeles to get closer to whales so I could record them.” – Nick Miller
78- “I’ve never been an inspiration before… I don’t like this much responsibility.” – Nick Miller
79- “Nick Miller: Turning lemonade into lemons since 1981.” – Nick Miller
80- “Sandwiches and sex!? I want that!” – Nick Miller
81- “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, a summer’s day is not a bitch!” – Nick Miller
82- “I like getting older. I feel like I’m finally aging into my personality.” – Nick Miller
83- “Pink robes are my catnip.” – Nick Miller
84- “You can’t just say ‘butt drinking’ and then not explain what that is. That is two of my four favorite things.” – Nick Miller
85- “I’d give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today.” – Nick Miller
86- “I’m not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65 percent beer.” – Nick Miller
87- “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.” – Nick Miller