“The Righteous Gemstones” is a hilarious and satirical TV series that is full of memorable quotes. One of the best quotes from the show comes from the patriarch of the Gemstone family, Eli Gemstone, played by the talented John Goodman. In one of the episodes, Eli says, “There are two things I know about white people: they love Matchbox Twenty, and they are terrified of curses.” This quote perfectly embodies the series’ sharp wit and clever social commentary. With its witty and thought-provoking quotes, “The Righteous Gemstones” is a must-watch for fans of dark comedy and satire.
The Righteous Gemstones Quotes
1- “You’re one of those benevolent lesbians out to meet a hot guy and make friends with him so you can sample-suck some clean dick” – Judy Gemstone
2- “I just hope God sends down some chicken McDonald’s from the Heavens.” – Eli Gemstone
3- “God bless you, air vent.” – Judy Gemstone
4- “Don’t take glee in it. I’m being blackmailed!” – Jesse Gemstone
5- “Come on; don’t get your panties in a bunch, sis. Flying around on private planes, being leaders, that’s men’s business.” – Jesse Gemstone
6- “You just go through life being a shithead.” – Eli Gemstone
7- “I have regular woman panties where the string goes up my crack. I have tits. I do sex. I’m carvin’ my own path.” – Judy Gemstone
8- “We don’t have standards… I mean we do. We have a lot of them. And they’re real high. ” – Judy Gemstone
9- “’Cause you know what they say: you can’t gobble the pie if you didn’t help bake it.” – Judy Gemstone
10- “I ain’t no charity, I’m a commodity.” – Baby Billy Freeman
11- “You see, a foe can plan your destruction, but only a loved one can break your heart.” – Jesse Gemstone
12- “Everybody in your line keeps getting water up their nose. You’re dipping them back too far.”
13- “Your past as a Satan worshipper was washed away when you accepted Jesus Christ, Our Savior, into your life.”
14- “Flying around on private planes, being leaders… That’s men’s business.”
15- “Well, Land of the Rising Sun is Japan. That would’ve been awesome”
16- “Come on, don’t get your panties in a bunch, sis”
17- “I know I shouldn’t feel self-conscious about my nose, but I am.”
18- “Listen to what God wants. Are you listening?”
19- “Everybody in this family might play patty-cake”
20- ” Look, if you wanna speak with the Gemstones, you need to, uh, schedule an appointment through my sister.”
21- ” Remember when we were kids and we wanted to be Double Dragons?”
