We listed best Father Ted quotes from the show. You can also use some of these Father Ted quotes as wallpaper.
“Spider-Baby- It’s got the body of a spider, and the mind of a baby.”
“That would be a ecumenical matter.”
Bishop Brennan:” You will address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!”
“We’re all going to heaven lads, wahey!!”
“These are small, but the ones out there are far away.”
“Feic, arse, drink, girls.”
“I’m no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I’d say there’s about seventeen million of them out there.”
“Looks like rain, Ted.”
“That money was just resting in my account.”
Ted: “Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, ‘collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?'”
“Shoddy workmanship, that’s what it is.”
Dougal: “Sorry Ted. I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.”
“Who would he be like? Hitler or one of those mad fellas?”
“Oh, worse than Hitler. You wouldn’t find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o’clock in the morning.”
“I love cake.” (or I have no willy… or again, everything uttered by Eoin McLove).
Ted:”Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals, instinctively travel north, where it’s colder, and they won’t be so stuffy.”
“You were wearing your blue jumper.”
Mrs. Doyle: “Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.”
“Go on, go on, go on, go on”
Mrs Doyle: “Oh she writes such filth, Father. It’s always “Feck this” and “Feck that” – and sometimes she even uses the “F” word!”
Dougal: “I’m no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I’d say there’s about seventeen million of them out there”
“That money was just resting in my account”
Jack: “A PAIR OF FECKIN’ WOMEN’S KNICKERS!”
“Is there anything to be said for saying another mass?”
Dougal: “C’mere Ted, Ted, Teddy, Ted. God, I love being a priest. We’re all going to heaven lads, wheeeyyyyyy!”
“I’ve had my fun and that’s all that matters.”
Dougal: “God I’ve never seen a clock at 5 a.m. before!”
Jack: ARSEBISCUITS!
Mrs. Doyle: I’m so excited. Taking on three bishops all at once. I can’t wait.
“That’s mad, Ted.”
Dougal: “God, Ted. D’you remember that feller who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?”
“Which one do you prefer, Oasis or Blur?”
Dougal: “A one-word film. There can’t be too many of those. Salem’s Lot?”
“Doesn’t Mary have a lovely bottom? (Of course, they ALL have lovely bottoms.)”
“It’s Ireland’s largest lingerie section’ I understand.”
Dougal: “How come all the rocks are different sizes?”
“Don’t they all have lovely bottoms”
“Drink, feck, arse, girls”
Dougal: “Put your clothes back on, Carol, I can’t concentrate.”
“Is there anything to be said for another mass?”
“I love my brick.”
Dougal: “As if magic, I can create a big crowd of invisible ducks”
“Careful now/Down with that sort of thing.”
“Cowboys ted, a bunch of cowboys.”
Dougal: “It’s like a great big tide of jam. But jam made out of… old women.”
“You’re going on my list, Tony.” (Along with anything Fr Noel Furlong (Graham Norton) said ever.)
