Discover 86 memorable quotes from Gabrielle Solis, a beloved character from the hit TV show Desperate Housewives. From witty one-liners to poignant reflections, explore the best quotes that capture the essence of this iconic character. Immerse yourself in Gabrielle’s world and relive the moments that made her a fan favorite.
Gabrielle Solis Quotes
1- “It’s like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn’t have a conscience.” – Gabrielle Solis
2- “Every time I’m around that man, he tries to grab my ass.” – Gabrielle Solis
3- “And some people kiss their friends, it’s like a high-five on the lips!” – Gabrielle Solis
4- “I love taking baths. Especially with you. It’s like taking a vacation from the world.” – Gabrielle Solis
5- “I’m not jealous, I just don’t like to share.” – Gabrielle Solis
6- “Well, let’s say I don’t die? I do yoga, I eat well. If I wait, does my repenting still count?” – Gabrielle Solis
7- “John, you’re a toy. A sweet dumb toy. So you might as well go to college, because there’s nothing between us.” – Gabrielle Solis
8- “As I see it good friends avoid each other after being humiliated, but great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place.” – Gabrielle Solis
9- “Carlos cut up all my credit cards. I’m married and I can’t shop which is the worst of all possible worlds.” – Gabrielle Solis
10- “I’d be an awful mother, I’m selfish and I’m self-centered, and only person more self-centered than me is Carlos, I mean, he’s so self-centered that he doesn’t even know how self-centered I am.” – Gabrielle Solis
11- “I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mother’s grave when it hits.” – Gabrielle Solis
12- “That bitch! I can’t believe her.” – Gabrielle Solis
13- “When the baby cries in the middle of the night, you’re gonna get up without saying one word. Doctors’ appointments: you’re driving. I’m not putting a car seat in my Maserati. And you will also be on bottle duty. That means washing, sterilizing, and filling. That way I’ll have some semblance of a life, and then maybe I won’t hate you so much.” – Gabrielle Solis
14- “Laura, you’re kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking. Why don’t you try a pipe?” – Gabrielle Solis
15- “Ana bought condoms in what looked like a valu-Pack.” – Gabrielle Solis
16- “I heard you, I was swallowing vomit.” – Gabrielle Solis
17- “Let me tell you something, Mrs. Peterson. I am pulling Juanita out of this crappy, crappy school! Come on, Carlos!
Mrs. Peterson: Crappy, huh? What a shame Juanita won’t be here to blurt that out during the Pledge of Allegiance!” – Gabrielle Solis
18- “I’m been home-schooling my daughter and it’s been a living Hell, so I tried to bribe someone to get her into Catholic school.” – Gabrielle Solis
19- “Hey, cut her some slack. She’s Romanian, okay? When your people are being chased into Argentina by angry cossacks, maybe a sparkling toilet isn’t that important.” – Gabrielle Solis
20- “We really wanna join you and help with that diversity thing.” – Gabrielle Solis
21- “My kids are my calling card. They’re what I have to show for myself. I don’t have a career, Susan. My kids are my job. And whatever happens, if they succeed or they don’t succeed, it’s because of how I raised them.” – Gabrielle Solis
22- “I don’t need to take a test. I’m just trying to reassure my husband of what I know is true in my heart. So if you could just slip me someone else’s results, I can make my own. I got photoshop for Christmas.” – Gabrielle Solis
23- “Honey, you and your macho pride. Just tell him you’re flattered but you don’t swing that way.” – Gabrielle Solis
24- “A woman does need to be loved! And since you didn’t give it to me, I had to find it elsewhere.” – Gabrielle Solis
25- “Don’t judge me, you’re not in here because you were caught helping the poor.” – Gabrielle Solis
26- “Bree, my friends are models, they’re never happy for anyone.” – Gabrielle Solis
27- “Some of my model friends are coming down from New York on Friday so I have to look better than ever. I can’t have them thinking I moved to the suburbs and I shop at strip malls.” – Gabrielle Solis
28- “People grieve in different ways. I go shopping and you rip out toilets.” – Gabrielle Solis
29- “You are a hypocrite. The money you spent to buy your sports car could buy a mud hut for every peasant in Ecuador.” – Gabrielle Solis
30- “Mmm. I guess I owe the Pope a thank you note.” – Gabrielle Solis
31- “You listen to me, you little bitch. You do not want to start a war with me.” – Gabrielle Solis
32- “No, of course not! He’s a moron!” – Gabrielle Solis
33- “I may be a Catholic, but I am so not above slapping a nun.” – Gabrielle Solis
34- “No, I’m pragmatic. Because once you finish your fling, we’ll be equals again. And then you won’t be able to judge me. And then we can go back to being a boring average married couple.” – Gabrielle Solis
35- “And I would love to, but I have the upper body strength of a kitten. I need a brute!” – Gabrielle Solis
36- “I realized the ass I should be kicking is yours.” – Gabrielle Solis
37- “Oh, this isn’t about me. This is about our great nation, and I have no intention of sexually satisfying a man who isn’t willing to stand up for and help spread the ideals and values of the United States of America.” – Gabrielle Solis
38- “So just to be clear… Some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas’n’gulp and she is gonna make sure we’re quality people?” – Gabrielle Solis
39- “We’re gonna have to stare at this face for the next 18 years. I don’t think now is the time to skimp on quality!” – Gabrielle Solis
40- “If I wanna catch flies all I have to do is call one of these girls. Trust me, the flies would follow.” – Gabrielle Solis
41- “I’ve read the Constitution, and it does not protect ugly people!” – Gabrielle Solis
42- “Mr. Beale, I mean, come on! Each girl is uglier than the next!” – Gabrielle Solis
43- “Okay, uh, well. Oh, okay, it’s like this. The three of us are making your famous szechuan dumpings. And I’m the dough and Carlos is the pork and you’re the oven!” – Gabrielle Solis
44- “Bree, you heard what she said? I can’t let this poor kid going back to China and become someone’s slave!” – Gabrielle Solis
45- “Fine, I’ll learn to live without product. But when my hair starts smelling like hair, I don’t want to hear a word.” – Gabrielle Solis
46- “Our husbands are in there pulling together their dollar bills, what else do we need to know?” – Gabrielle Solis
47- “I can’t wait for you to pop out that baby because when you do, I am putting you on the first plane back to Shanghai, and you’re gonna be on all fours in a rice patty before the epidural wears off!” – Gabrielle Solis
48- “You screw up our lives and the only thing you can say is “that’s the way the cookie crumbles”?” – Gabrielle Solis
49- “Carlos, what are you doing here? I mean, besides lowering my property value.” – Gabrielle Solis
50- “Come on, just give me one clean shot at him! I’m willing to do the time!” – Gabrielle Solis
51- “Don’t call me a bitch, and stop tracking my cycle. I told you that freaks me out.” – Gabrielle Solis
52- “I hate this dress. I look like something Ike Turner would hit.” – Gabrielle Solis
53- “Most models don’t eat pizza…well, at least not without having a finger for dessert.” – Gabrielle Solis
54- “Get up there and make me hate your beauty!” – Gabrielle Solis
55- “Friends come and go, but crowns are forever.” – Gabrielle Solis
56- “That’s very sweet of you but I am not the most beautiful woman in the world…Yes, I may be in the top 10.” – Gabrielle Solis
57- “You just vacuumed my tonsils, I deserve to know where that mouth has been!” – Gabrielle Solis
58- “A single woman in her thirties. I now have to subscribe to Cat Fancy. It’s the law.” – Gabrielle Solis
59- “I am in hell! I just tried to break up with Zach and he played the “dead mommy” card.” – Gabrielle Solis
60- “Go! Go get all cholo on his ass!” – Gabrielle Solis
61- “We were both half-naked and there was a condom wrapper and he said I was amazing, which totally sounds like me.” – Gabrielle Solis
62- “Good friends share more than just gossip and brunch, they share enemies too!” – Gabrielle Solis
63- “Just so you know, if I was a lesbian, I’d totally do you.” – Gabrielle Solis
64- “You mean the woman whose parents named her after cheese? I like my robots to be more life-like.” – Gabrielle Solis
65- “I thought maybe for a second that Susan Mayer lady and I might be friends, but then she started talking.” – Gabrielle Solis
66- “Thank you for sending my husband to prison, Bree. Nice work!” – Gabrielle Solis
67- “I think Juanita might be French!” – Gabrielle Solis
68- “If this is about Juanita and the dessert cart, I told you not to leave it unattended!” – Gabrielle Solis
69- “I know it’s hard to believe that the little acorn gave birth to the mighty oak, but believe me, I did.” – Gabrielle Solis
70- “There’s this one thing that she did that was incredibly moving. She came up to me, and within two seconds of touching my bag, she knew it was expensive.” – Gabrielle Solis
71- “You’re either going as a dog or a little Mexican girl. And in this neighborhood, we both know which one’s getting more candy!” – Gabrielle Solis
72- “He’s not going to give up these chimichangas, for a plate of frank and beans.” – Gabrielle Solis
73- “You are lucky. You got a kidney transplant. And if you take anymore of my money, you’re going to need a face transplant.” – Gabrielle Solis
74- “Since we caught Bin Laden, we can stroll on the plane anytime we want.” – Gabrielle Solis
75- “I can pick locks. Adultery gave me some valuable life skills.” – Gabrielle Solis
76- “You slow down. Push the kid out and drive off. Why is it so hard?” – Gabrielle Solis
77- “I’d stay and say hi but that would involve a lot of listening and sad nodding.” – Gabrielle Solis
78- “When is the last time you brushed your… is this a lollipop?” – Gabrielle Solis
79- “It’s a Mexican hangover cure. It’s the only thing I inherited from my family that’s actually worth anything.” – Gabrielle Solis
80- “It’s like a book. Meet Dick and Jane. See Jane kill Dick. See Jane bury Dick. Run, Jane. Run, Jane.” – Gabrielle Solis
81- “It’s a cop funeral. What do you expect… clowns?” – Gabrielle Solis
82- “You better watch. This phone has a whoop-ass app.” – Gabrielle Solis
83- “It’s like royal wedding with a hint of slut.” – Gabrielle Solis
84- “Do me a favor and wait until I leave to restock the books. I can’t cry again today.” – Gabrielle Solis
85- “My husband’s an alcoholic so I can only drink at work.” – Gabrielle Solis
86- “I’m always getting my Mexicans confused, which I’m allowed to do because I’m Mexican.” – Gabrielle Solis
