Discover 106 of the most memorable and hilarious quotes from Jules Kiki Cobb, a beloved character from the hit TV show Cougar Town. Find witty and relatable lines that capture the essence of this iconic character. Whether you’re a fan of the show or in need of some light-hearted entertainment, these quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
Jules Kiki Cobb Quotes
1- “I’m gonna make that pale ass, icy bitch love me whether she likes it or not.” – Jules
2- “That’s five hundred, that’s my half of a stupid bet bobby bet.” – Jules
3- “Honey, cutting crotches out of pants is not sewing.” – Jules
4- “See you soon. Stupid Circle of Anger.” – Jules
5- “Hey resort Trent, you’re even cuter out of your uniform.” – Jules
6- “Oh my. To see Grayson cry would be like seeing…. a double-rainbow.” – Jules
7- “When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it’s always: “Way to go, Tiger!”” – Jules
8- “He looks like that nerdy lesbian from Scooby-Boo.” – Jules
9- “Ooh I look hot when I’m depressed. That’s why I always get hit when I’m at funerals. Aww, why can’t someone die?” – Jules
10- “You see that young gentleman there, I’d love to lick his body.” – Jules
11- “If you don’t want to be someone’s bitch, you gotta get ripped.” – Jules
12- “Wipe off that silly moustache. You look like a really gay Freddie Mercury.” – Jules
13- “Don’t worry about tonight, it’s totally casual. But don’t wear jeans. We’re not animals.” – Jules
14- “Is he single?… Kidding! Why don’t you ever laugh at my jokes?” – Jules
15- “Grayson is totally pursey whipped. That is really gonna catch on. pursey magnet, pursey hound.” – Jules
16- “You can’t wear fake nails on just one hand, it makes you look like a crazy whore.” – Jules
17- “Sleepy show is canceled tonight.” – Jules
18- “Imaginary hook hands! I don’t know what we’re doing.” – Jules
19- “Duh, no paper bills less tree murder.” – Jules
20- “All the single guys our age are either broken, gay or chasing younger girls.” – Jules
21- “Is it going to kill the mood if I go brush my teeth and shave my legs?” – Jules
22- “I can’t believe I was married to a guy who keeps his driver’s license in a box.” – Jules
23- “I put cough syrup in his lemonade and he fell asleep in a hole.” – Jules
24- “We’re friends – it can’t be casual. Friend sex comes with feelings and baggage and someone always gets hurt. It’s a horrible idea.” – Jules
25- “I have so many chin whiskers I look like carnie folk.” – Jules
26- “Oh you snuck that one in at the end didn’t ya? Friends with benefits – the old FWB. That is the greatest male myth of our time. That and our knees being erogenous zones.” – Jules
27- “You think my butt looks like it could be your roommate’s? We need to hug, wow.” – Jules
28- “I have two hours to get healthy. It’s like cramming for a test.” – Jules
29- “I’m gonna otter the hell out of you.” – Jules
30- “I’m not gonna stand here and be judged by someone who doesn’t even have a nineteen year old, and most of all, who thinks there’s a ghost in her pickup truck.” – Jules
31- “I haven’t drank out of a red plastic cup since my wedding reception.” – Jules
32- “You work that hoes b**ch.” – Jules
33- “Men start being needy so young. Grayson’s still like that. But instead of letting him nuzzle up with my boobs I let him…nope, it’s the same thing. He dives right in like he owns the place.” – Jules
34- “I’m happy about Bobby’s new horn, the odds from my son dying in a golf cart accident went from definitely to probably.” – Jules
35- “Grayson and I are like pools – we’re still just sticking our toes in each other. Grossest thing I ever said.” – Jules
36- “Your dad convinced some tourist that he’s a hunting guide, so not only can he not watch you, but he might end up dead.” – Jules
37- “Drinking keeps women skinny!” – Jules
38- “Oh yeah, little Omari. He’s 10. I gotta say those letters are getting a little repetitive. It’s hot; I’m hungry; there’s snakes.” – Jules
39- “Regular Jules wouldn’t do this, but Resort Jules says, “say hello to Tonya and her slightly smaller cousin Tina.”” – Jules
40- “You suck at musical beers.” – Jules
41- “Just go with it, Trent. Come on, I’m trying to scrape together a fantasy here. If I can be Resort Jules, you can be Straight Trent.” – Jules
42- “It’s not like I was super cool.” – Jules
43- “I own the shush clap.” – Jules
44- “The sales after Thanksgiving this year are going to be insane. We’re talking full on shopping orgy.” – Jules
45- “He’s never had much feeling in his butt.” – Jules
46- “Dear Lord. You know I don’t bother you unless it’s important. Except for that time I asked you to speed up my bangs.” – Jules
47- “In one of our friendship talks, Travis told me she’s not even on the pill. Condoms break all the time.” – Jules
48- “I’m gonna take turns crying on both of you.” – Jules
49- “I fought a bum for wine and lost.” – Jules
50- “Okay, quick disclaimer. When we attack the food, let’s chew carefully because I’m missing an earring.” – Jules
51- “Plus, I get to lean on my Gracieship.” – Jules
52- “You know how hard it is to shower when you don’t have a shower?” – Jules
53- “Hey Travis, take me upstairs and put me in the bath.” – Jules
54- “He just left and I’m jonezing for his cuddles.” – Jules
55- “He’s like a newborn calf on wheels.” – Jules
56- “Ryan is super pretty and he’s not at all afraid of cologne.” – Jules
57- “Well don’t try to stop me if I’m Vogueing on top of a cab.” – Jules
58- “I love my security system. It’s like I live in an antique store.” – Jules
59- “It it so much harder to be a single woman.” – Jules
60- “This is our cul-de-sac damn it. Tonight we take back the sack! First order of business we need a new slogan.” – Jules
61- “Not that I would date two guys at the same time anyways, because in grade school this nun told me if I kissed two boys in one day their spit would mix in my mouth and it would kill me.” – Jules
62- “To sweaty foot wine!” – Jules
63- “Drinking out of a third place trophy makes you feel like a winner.” – Jules
64- “Come on, gimmie a reason. Crack the code!” – Jules
65- “What a great day! Man, this calls for some celebration wine. Oh, sorry, this is also my there’s nothing good on TV wine.” – Jules
66- “Wow, it’ my first very golf cart ride of shame.” – Jules
67- “I just love our girl time.” – Jules
68- “Travis, we’ll never be even. Want to see the scar from the Cesarean section? There’s a hair growing in it now.” – Jules
69- “I can be mean Grayson. Look Travis’s favorite poster. Oh gosh, I think I’m going to throw up.” – Jules
70- “You need to get your crazy ass out of my office right now or I’m gonna call plaza security and they’re gonna roller blade in.. in like 40 minutes.” – Jules
71- “Some of us over did it at the pre no more alimony party party, so I made these margaritas with crushed up aspirin.” – Jules
72- “Oh my god Laurie, your butt looks amazing in those jeans.” – Jules
73- “One of us! One of us! One of us!” – Jules
74- “We all have our embarrassing family members.” – Jules
75- “I hate Halloween.” – Jules
76- “I had sex in your house. Right over there.” – Jules
77- “I hate dressing up. Not for nothing, but I’m not doing it yall.” – Jules
78- “He’s trying to jumpstart my uterus!” – Jules
79- “She’s so young she may actually be from the future.” – Jules
80- “Oh my God, I was mean to my daddy.” – Jules
81- “I cannot wait for this bathroom to be done. In fact, put it in your calenders because I’m going to have a bathroom warming party.” – Jules
82- “Grayson, do you ever think of your ex wife when you are having sex with me?” – Jules
83- “Stop being a parade rainer-onner. We’re taking a group vacation!” – Jules
84- “I can’t believe your school makes you do photography projects. It’s like they cater to the weird, artsy fartsy kids.” – Jules
85- “I’m going to be happy with whatever you get me. As long as it’s perfect and it shows how much you get me.” – Jules
86- “Andy Torres you are amazing. You skip your ass right back here.” – Jules
87- “Whoa! You got to be 21 to drink in this house.” – Jules
88- “Tom is our interhouse-shuttle. I pay him with head pats.” – Jules
89- “He’s a group exploder. It’s a gift.” – Jules
90- “What did you tell her to do Chicken Fat?” – Jules
91- “Hey fellas, I’m trying to talk to my man so could you take that thrashing down to the park?” – Jules
92- “Hold my hand. It can still be romantic!” – Jules
93- “I can’t believe we’re in Napa. I think we’re meeting God.” – Jules
94- “Ah! Big Carl! You can almost fix everything.” – Jules
95- “When it comes to love I’m a street rapping poet yo.” – Jules
96- “Did you turn Officer Pumpkin Head around and blow his cover?” – Jules
97- “It’s Friday working stiffs. Three two one…happy weekend!” – Jules
98- “Oh my God, your purse could be my purse’s mom.” – Jules
99- “No no white wine has less alcohol.” – Jules
100- “Did you know that doves mate for life?” – Jules
101- “Stop right there! Girlfriends don’t talk about each other behind their backs.” – Jules
102- “That’s why I love you. Because you are so comfortable in your own skin.” – Jules
103- “It’s daylight. Why aren’t you over at my house yet.” – Jules
104- “You know, when you put love out in the world, it always comes back to you.” – Jules
105- “Circle of love. Feel it in your hearts..” – Jules
106- “I love Valentine’s day. I don’t care if I get flowers or deer skin.” – Jules
