We listed best Ellie Torres Quotes from Cougar Town Tv show.
1- “Great, the girl with three toe rings finds it funny.” – Ellie Torres
2- “Jules, he’s an evil genius. He’s Keyser Soze.” – Ellie Torres
3- “If you don’t stop with the hazelnut, I’m gonna make my own coffee.” – Ellie Torres
4- “And the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.” – Ellie Torres
5- “He kisses with a perfect seal around you mouth like he’s trying to suck your brains out.” – Ellie Torres
6- “Heads up tiny eyes. Once you go Andy all the rest is blandy.” – Ellie Torres
7- “I’m your best friend, I know these things, plus there’s a condom wrapper on your back.” – Ellie Torres
8- “You look like you put your make-up in the floor and roll around in it.” – Ellie Torres
9- “Listen half pint, I’m not gonna thank you for things you’re supposed to do. If I did I’d have to start thanking you for killing bugs and supporting me.” – Ellie Torres
10- “I’m winding you up like a toy robot and letting you go.” – Ellie Torres
11- “You need to warn me when you’re going to give me life advice so I can get out my notebook.” – Ellie Torres
12- “Thanksgiving is not a sexy holiday.” – Ellie Torres
13- “That’s the reason I got a Cabana! To avoid guys with barb wired tattoos.” – Ellie Torres
14- “Stop trying to make this into an 80s movie montage.” – Ellie Torres
15- “Leave her alone! Hey, that’s a nice necklace, are your parents rich?” – Ellie Torres
16- “Bye Grayson. Pageant wave.” – Ellie Torres
17- “Racist Uncle or Drug Dealer Uncle?” – Ellie Torres
18- “Jules if we had to elect a group leader it would be you. You bring us all together.” – Ellie Torres
19- “Are you telling me the overly flirty next door neighbor and the ex-husband who’s never not here both like Jules? That is a revelation!” – Ellie Torres
20- “All Valentine’s day means to me is that it’s seven weeks after Christmas.” – Ellie Torres
21- “That’s a pine cone, no matter how much you keep fondling it, it’ll never take you to Cabo.” – Ellie Torres
22- “He can’t stop. He was cooked in her baby oven.” – Ellie Torres
23- “You stole from me to support a drinking habit? I am so proud of you.” – Ellie Torres
24- “Jellybean! You just simultaneously uttered the dumbest and the smartest things you’ve ever said!” – Ellie Torres
25- “When you say people’s body parts are so adorable you want to wear them, it makes you seem a little serial killer-ey, especially when you do it about kids.” – Ellie Torres
26- “They give you bird face.” – Ellie Torres
27- “I’m a very sensual person. I give off intense pheromones. That’s why cats don’t like me.” – Ellie Torres
28- “Having a baby in your forties is exhausting, and people will judge you if you keep a sippy cup full of wine in the stroller so you can pound grape.” – Ellie Torres
29- “You know what panties are? They’re a type of clothes most women wear under their skirts.” – Ellie Torres
30- “If there is a ridiculous Cuban hiding over there, you can tell him that it’s fine if he wants to go dancing with Trampface tonight.” – Ellie Torres
31- “You are the only one that finds my deteriorating eyesight amusing.” – Ellie Torres
32- “It is a gorgeous night and I have no kid waiting at home.” – Ellie Torres
33- “We are not friends, human beings cannot be friends with chimps.” – Ellie Torres
34- “I’m eating a big bite of “I was right steak.” Mmmm…but it needs something. Maybe a nice glass of 1985 SUCK IT. Ah.. so smooth.” – Ellie Torres
35- “We conceived Stan on your kitchen island.” – Ellie Torres
36- “Good God. An army of jellybeans.” – Ellie Torres
37- “Nothing could ever make me stop loving you. Except you not drinking. Twelve steps, schmelsteps. Alcohol makes people fun.” – Ellie Torres
38- “It chews gum while it eats buffalo wings. How did it beat us?” – Ellie Torres
39- “Wow so it’s either college twenty minutes away in Sarasota or twenty hours away in California. Which one do you want him to go to?” – Ellie Torres
40- “Forget for one second that if you let one Torres into your home every second and third cousin on the Eastern Seaboard will drop by to say hi.” – Ellie Torres
41- “This one needs it – she holds on like an otter trying to break open a clam.” – Ellie Torres
42- “You know if they just wanted to see some dumb, townie ho floppin’ her ta-tas all they need to do is stay here and give ten dollars to-” – Ellie Torres
43- “It’s not nice to test friends when they don’t know they are being tested.” – Ellie Torres
44- “Hello Tom, to what do we owe the creepy displeasure?” – Ellie Torres
45- “See the reason why I buy expensive things is to belittle people who cant afford them.” – Ellie Torres
46- “It’s an embarrassment of bitches.” – Ellie Torres
47- “If we’re gonna be sneaking around the neighborhood at night should my husband be dressed like a cat burglar?” – Ellie Torres
48- “Old Ferrett eyes is like four centimeters dilated right now.” – Ellie Torres
49- “I was so stunned! Do I give off a vibe that I’m friendly?” – Ellie Torres
50- “It’s only pretend murder. We used to fight so much about the little things, now, whenever I get so mad that when I want to kill him I just do it.” – Ellie Torres
51- “We tell each other the harsh truth no matter what.” – Ellie Torres
52- “It wouldn’t have been a thong on a six-year old!” – Ellie Torres
53- “Don’t hate the player, hate the game, yo!” – Ellie Torres
54- “To me people are just bags of skin that slow down my day.” – Ellie Torres
55- “I love pretending that I’m better than everybody else.” – Ellie Torres
56- “Call her a chunky bitch!” – Ellie Torres
57- “Wow, it’s like you on a Saturday night.” – Ellie Torres
58- “I hope a shark eats your face.” – Ellie Torres
59- “Please, you don’t know what it’s like to be married to a super sensitive guy. I call them senszies.” – Ellie Torres
60- “Hi new girlfriend, I’m sorry you have to sleep with him.” – Ellie Torres
61- “Look at my rings my rings my rings.” – Ellie Torres
62- “Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.” – Ellie Torres
63- “Get used to it. These idiots are a six-pack away from running away together.” – Ellie Torres
64- “You’re not crazy about the ditzy, trashy, fake blonde, fake tan, fake boobs, club skank you one-night standed to make that baby.” – Ellie Torres
65- “How could you not believe me about my mom? You’re my best friend, all I ask is that you have blind faith in me, and that you hit me with a shovel if I ever got a toe ring.” – Ellie Torres
66- “I’m only an okay storm; I’m not a perfect storm.” – Ellie Torres
67- “Mopey leads right to gropey, fix it or bleed.” – Ellie Torres
68- “Jules Cobb is the light of our group, and as she goes so goes the rest of us. For many years I have been the keeper of that light, but I now pass the torch to you.” – Ellie Torres
69- “I’m sure the jury will understand when Travis is explaining why he broke into the morgue to spoon your corpse.” – Ellie Torres
70- “Did you finally get a visit from the nutsack fairy?” – Ellie Torres
71- “Hey Jelly Bean if you’re gonna vomit out one of your long, boring ass stories would you do me a solid and raise your hand when you hit the halfway point?” – Ellie Torres
72- “I wish Terry the Train would crash and burn to death in a fire.” – Ellie Torres
73- “Sweetie, I think the paperboy is here. You want to go throw rocks at him? Okay, nothing bigger than a quarter.” – Ellie Torres
74- “Oh my God, it’s so nice to be anywhere without a Cuban man climbing all over me.” – Ellie Torres
75- “Jellybean, you are the verbal equivalent of huffing paint.” – Ellie Torres
76- “Hey pale face, how’s the sun feel for the first time?” – Ellie Torres
77- “You’re an American treasure.” – Ellie Torres
78- “There’s no shortcut. Just practice, practice, practice.” – Ellie Torres
79- “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it’s like watching a gay porn with just one dude in it.” – Ellie Torres
80- “I’d be so much of a better husband than you. You’re lucky you have a penis.” – Ellie Torres
81- “You don’t count she lets you see her naked.” – Ellie Torres
82- “There is no greater tragedy than outliving your own wine glass.” – Ellie Torres
83- “What’s the fun of having a yard sale if we can’t mock the low life’s that shop there?” – Ellie Torres
84- “We’re at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.” – Ellie Torres
85- “I don’t remember taking any hallucinogenic drugs, but why else would I be seeing you in my house?” – Ellie Torres
86- “Talking like a douche is not helping your case.” – Ellie Torres
87- “Bobby’s a very nurturing bitch.” – Ellie Torres
