Discover the most memorable and hilarious quotes from Jenna Maroney, portrayed by Jane Krakowski, in the hit TV show “30 Rock.” Enjoy 115 of Jenna’s classic lines that will leave you laughing out loud. Dive into the wit and humor of this beloved character with this collection of iconic quotes from “30 Rock.”
Jenna Maroney Quotes
1- “Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn’t he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again?” – Jenna Maroney
2- “Oh, it’s the Japanese porn star diet. I only eat paper, but I can eat all the paper I want, so…” – Jenna Maroney
3- “There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?” – Jenna Maroney
4- “Liz, I’m just worried that I’m going to sound like I don’t know what I’m talking about.” – Jenna Maroney
5- “Oh, I’m not worried because I have something the other actors don’t.” – Jenna Maroney
6- “Drama is gay man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes.” – Jenna Maroney
7- “Oh, yes, I’m annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the Jumbo Screen.” – Jenna Maroney
8- “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve always wondered why you guys just don’t take the door off its hinges.” – Jenna Maroney
9- “You know, I have to admit, I kinda like that Tracy Jordan is no longer the only movie star on TGS. Maybe I’ll finally start getting some respect around here.” – Jenna Maroney
10- “They’re calling us ‘James,’ which is a combination of ‘Jenna’ and ‘James.'” – Jenna Maroney
11- “Oh, Liz. Look at you and I and our biological clocks. You’re baby crazy and I keep getting turned on by car accidents.” – Jenna Maroney
12- “You don’t know that thing I’m sleeping in isn’t working.” – Jenna Maroney
13- “Look at you and me and our biological clocks. You’re baby crazy, and I’m turned on by car accidents.” – Jenna Maroney
14- “Liz, I am happy. All this attention, getting my picture taken, having ice cold diarrhea from drinking too much Jamba Juice.” – Jenna Maroney
15- “Kenneth, Tracy and I want to do something for the crew, you know, to thank them for being sick.” – Jenna Maroney
16- “But those were my majors at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks!” – Jenna Maroney
17- “Thank you, but I am a selfless person who can’t get arrested in this town!” – Jenna Maroney
18- “It’s funny — all my ‘aha!’ moments end with a mustache pushed against me!” – Jenna Maroney
19- “You know how you told Tracy not to go into your bedroom? Well, naturally, we assumed you were a serial killer, and as you can imagine, your bird is dead.” – Jenna Maroney
20- “It was perfect. Like a John Mayer song.” – Jenna Maroney
21- “Do you need a sex tape released? ‘Cause I got a weird one; it’s night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me.” – Jenna Maroney
22- “I didn’t see her. Security called. She was trying to use an Oxycontin bottle as I.D.” – Jenna Maroney
23- “I called 911. They wouldn’t even connect with their celebrity service.” – Jenna Maroney
24- “I’m sure she’s down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born.” – Jenna Maroney
25- “Oh for God’s sake, what is this, Third Watch?” – Jenna Maroney
26- “Hi, I was told I’d get paid if I came here and danced while the Atlanta Hawks ate dinner.” – Jenna Maroney
27- “It hurts more than my foot botox to know that he’s out there and I can’t find him.” – Jenna Maroney
28- “To her I’m just a gorgeous, naturally blonde ATM.” – Jenna Maroney
29- “Oh, I didn’t know anyone was here. That wasn’t me screaming in the bathroom.” – Jenna Maroney
30- “Could a bad mom have raised a daughter who was engaged to a Congressman when she was 16?” – Jenna Maroney
31- “This is the defining thing of my life. It’s not gonna be that hit-and-run!” – Jenna Maroney
32- “I always knew it would end one day. I just always thought it would be me in the trunk of a rental car.” – Jenna Maroney
33- “This is actually a werewolf picture that for tax purposes is shooting in Iceland.” – Jenna Maroney
34- “Oh, your dentist gets drunk with you, too?” – Jenna Maroney
35- “I don’t know if you saw the crawl on the TV Guide Channel, but I’ve agreed to star in a sexy supernatural thriller, in the vein of Twilight and True Blood.” – Jenna Maroney
36- “Guardwell. Guard your well. Well.” – Jenna Maroney
37- “Oh, don’t look at me like I’m a football game.” – Jenna Maroney
38- “If I wanted to see a black man make a fool of himself I’d have sex with K-Fed again.” – Jenna Maroney
39- “And no making fun of me for using outdated pop culture references. Are we cowabunga on this?” – Jenna Maroney
40- “I had this thing where I kept running into Michael Douglas, then I realized it was just some old lady who lives in my building.” – Jenna Maroney
41- “I met JJ Abrams once, and I don’t know what this means, but he said that the island was just Hurley’s dream.” – Jenna Maroney
42- “Jarem! Look how drunk I am! And how full of cheese my mouth is!” – Jenna Maroney
43- “Black people, I know I’ve said a lot of terrible things about you in print, but I come here today on a mission of peace.” – Jenna Maroney
44- “You don’t want to mess with that stuff, Liz. Ice has caused a lot of ODs in the porn community.” – Jenna Maroney
45- “Liz, I need to speak with you. Beat it, Grizz or Dot com.” – Jenna Maroney
46- “Sexual time travel. Just like my Cinemax softcore ‘Emanuelle Goes To Dinosaur Land.” – Jenna Maroney
47- “It’s going to be a disaster! Like Katrina! Do you remember Katrina, that crazy girl from hair and make-up?” – Jenna Maroney
48- “Fidelity, Paul. It’s not just the name of a bank that sued me.” – Jenna Maroney
49- “Who cares if Kenneth is bitter? He’s an underhuman.” – Jenna Maroney
50- “The writers can’t take a car service at night anymore. I’ve crunched the numbers and it’s cheaper for us to just replace anyone who gets murdered.” – Jenna Maroney
51- “There are no rules. It’s like check-in at an Italian sex party.” – Jenna Maroney
52- “You embarrassed me in front of all the other mothers! If you think you’re going to Sizzler tonight Jenna, you’ve got another thing coming!” – Jenna Maroney
53- “There are no rules. It’s like check-in at an Italian sex party.” – Jenna Maroney
54- “So I guess they’re geniuses for getting stuck in a mine?” – Jenna Maroney
55- “Well one of the camera guys just had a baby, and I’m sick of hearing about it. This will put me back on top.” – Jenna Maroney
56- “I need to see mine. If they used any of the footage from my shoplifting arrest, that would be great because my arms looked fantastic.” – Jenna Maroney
57- “I swear to Kabbalah monster, those jeans are perfect. Look at your butt.” – Jenna Maroney
58- “My exercise video is dropping soon. It’s called “Jenna gets hard.”” – Jenna Maroney
59- “I should get a chafing dish and fill it with my underwear in case some Saudi guys show up.” – Jenna Maroney
60- “Me silly. I’m more aware of what I’m doing.” – Jenna Maroney
61- “You are going to win, and when you do I’ll be furious. Like waking up next to Rob Schneider furious.” – Jenna Maroney
62- “Liz women wearing men’s watches is so over. The new thing is to get an Adam’s Apple.” – Jenna Maroney
63- “I’m the hot blonde…” – Jenna Maroney
64- “And I will say yes when Paul proposes…that we make a sex tape and leak it on the internet.” – Jenna Maroney
65- “Marriage is like death. You still into a routine. You lose all the spark.” – Jenna Maroney
66- “Last night was a disaster… and not the good kind where I get to sing at a benefit.” – Jenna Maroney
67- “It’s about the party! I want to eat shrimp off an old gay dressed as baby new year.” – Jenna Maroney
68- “Oh I’ve taken action. It dries your mouth out, but the sex is amazing.” – Jenna Maroney
69- “Someone get a PA to feed me baby food or I will drop a d in the green room.” – Jenna Maroney
70- “I’m finally taking a stand…after all these days.” – Jenna Maroney
71- “I didn’t give up when Eric Roberts abandoned me in the desert and I won’t now.” – Jenna Maroney
72- “His screams were the worst thing I ever heard…until tonight. Congratulations, you’re a disgrace.” – Jenna Maroney
73- “Yes, if you don’t like it you can leave. This isn’t Eric Roberts’ teepee.” – Jenna Maroney
74- “Oh please, don’t kill me. I still haven’t tried the famous seafood pizza at Sally’s in New Haven.” – Jenna Maroney
75- “Even if you could sing, with that face, it would be like eating a steak that just came out of a dumpster.” – Jenna Maroney
76- “The only thing I want latched to my fun bags are celebrity djs.” – Jenna Maroney
77- “You don’t have a little rat face, you opposite of a turd with eyes.” – Jenna Maroney
78- “Emma that was pretty good. You were trying to get me to commit suicide, right?” – Jenna Maroney
79- “You think we need a key? I guess someone’s never been locked in a dog crate and thrown overboard for displeasing the sheik.” – Jenna Maroney
80- “Picking a lock is like riding a bike… they’re both skills you need to escape the Atlanta Falcons equipment room.” – Jenna Maroney
81- “Imagine what the internet would do with this. Maroney found in closet with unconscious married man and inbred virgin… again!?” – Jenna Maroney
82- “Leaches. They’re good for your skin, and I’ve lost tons of blood weight.” – Jenna Maroney
83- “If PETA doesn’t love you or hate you, you’re a nobody, like a soldier or a teacher.” – Jenna Maroney
84- “It’s like I’m in a cage, and not the fun kind where you dance while USC football recruits throw hot coins at you.” – Jenna Maroney
85- “I need someone who has so little going on in her life, she lets me get all the attention.” – Jenna Maroney
86- “Getting paid to help a boy become a man…is kinda my wheelhouse.” – Jenna Maroney
87- “We’re gonna go. Don’t worry about the fee. You can just give it to us now.” – Jenna Maroney
88- “Trust me. Any girl would wanna dance with you. You’re rich, and you’re fat so you’ll die young. Women love that.” – Jenna Maroney
89- “This is a nightmare. My nemeses – Abigail Breslin and that woman from those Progressive Insurance commercials – are in the audience.” – Jenna Maroney
90- “It’s in my contract that I only play blondes…non-Irish redheads, or bald sex robots.” – Jenna Maroney
91- “Oh don’t be so dramatic. That’s my thing, and if you take it away from me I will kill myself… and then you.” – Jenna Maroney
92- “Oh my. It looks like we’ve got a slut off on our hands.” – Jenna Maroney
93- “I broke the number one rule of being on the force.” – Jenna Maroney
94- “You think I’m stupid… just because my college got tipped over by those Miami Heat fans?” – Jenna Maroney
95- “He reversed the parody. He normal Al’d us.” – Jenna Maroney
96- “I don’t need any more bad luck. Do you know how many mirrors I’ve smashed because I thought it was a blonde woman mocking me?” – Jenna Maroney
97- “You know what they say boys. If you can’t stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” – Jenna Maroney
98- “That song – like everything – is about me.” – Jenna Maroney
99- “I’m too good for this crap, like when I sang at that children’s hospital.” – Jenna Maroney
100- “You wear the pants Liz. You don’t necessarily pull them off, because of your hips, but you wear them.” – Jenna Maroney
101- “My outside is shiny and pretty, but my inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue.” – Jenna Maroney
102- “Oh, poor baby. Can’t hack it in the big city? Gonna move to the bay area now, pretend that that was your dream the whole time? Have fun always carrying a light sweater.” – Jenna Maroney
103- “I played Avery Jessup in Kidnapped By Danger, now available on Sega Genesis.” – Jenna Maroney
104- “I’ll have my Jews on you so fast, you’ll think you’re an Asian girl.” – Jenna Maroney
105- “Everyone needs to be on their toes for my wedding year. I’m gonna be a nightmare.” – Jenna Maroney
106- “I prefer soul sucking monster.” – Jenna Maroney
107- “I’m gonna do to them what I did to my own ribs… take them out.” – Jenna Maroney
108- “You look like that flash card they told me means sadness.” – Jenna Maroney
109- “You two can talk about America all you want. But I’m not going to listen, because there’s no i or me in America.” – Jenna Maroney
110- “My boyfriend was supposed to pick me up after that shoot, so I called him and I was like “OJ, where are you?” And he was like, “Wait, you’re alive? Then who did I kill?”” – Jenna Maroney
111- “Two thousand dollars Jack? I’ve stolen more than that from my cleaning lady’s purse.” – Jenna Maroney
112- “What the H-E-double vibrators is that thing on your left hand?” – Jenna Maroney
113- “Tehnically I am an A-Lister now, because I was on A List to date Tom Cruise.” – Jenna Maroney
114- “My whole life is thunder.” – Jenna Maroney
115- “She’s lying like a rug. Rug is an offensive term for Persians that I made up.” – Jenna Maroney
