Looking for the best quotes from the TV show “The Ranch“? Look no further! We’ve curated a list of the top 22 quotes that will make you laugh, cry, and reflect on the hilarious and heartwarming moments of this popular series. From Colt’s witty one-liners to Beau’s sage advice, these quotes capture the essence of “The Ranch” and its beloved characters. Don’t miss out on the wit and wisdom of this hit TV show – check out our selection of the best 22 quotes from “The Ranch” now!
The Ranch quotes
Beau Bennett : “Global warming’s a bunch of crap Al Gore made up to sell books to Californians.”
Colt : “I don’t think I realized how expensive having a baby is. It’s like an Xbox. You think it’s only going to be a couple hundred bucks but then you gotta get the games, the controller and the headset.”
Beau Bennett : “You know, when I was your age, you broke a tool, you had to craft a new one with your own bare hands.”
Beau Bennett: “I am not drunk I am festive, it’s f*cking Christmas“
Rooster : “If we were chicks, we’d be having our periods at the same time”
Beau: “Why can’t you just be like a normal wife and not care if I live or die.”
Maggie : “I’ve found that the happier you are, the less you need.”
Beau Bennett: “Show me the tit on an almond”
Colt: “I filled this old cup with snow and poured beer in it. It’s a beer slushie.”
Maggie : “Even when we’re apart we’re always together”
Rooster : “I came over here to do the two things we love. Eat chicken and have sex.”
Beau Bennett : “A dog don’t moo and a man don’t tweet”
Beau Bennett : “I hate cell phones. I liked it better when you needed to get a hold of someone you just shot up a flare.”
Colt: “We are family, we are supposed to be miserable.”
Colt: “With all due respect, sir. Blow me.”
Beau Bennett : “The only time I’m not miserable is when I’m alone.”
Maggie : “The bottom of the totem pole is the most important part, ’cause it holds up the whole pole. It’s all about the base.”
Colt : “First you give Rooster the hunting cabin and now you’re giving him a job where he works at a bar and drinks all day. I have a job where I work with dad and I HAVE to drink all day.”
Heather : “Bad as you think this place is with you, it’s even worse without you.”
Colt : “You can’t trust that guy. He don’t even drink.”
Beau: “The only thing I want riding shotgun with me is my shotgun.”
Colt : “It’s a drinking game when a white trash couple fights in public: 1 drink if she cusses, 2 if she slaps him.”
