Best 34 “Schitt’s Creek” Tv Show Quotes

Schitt's Creek

1- David Rose: “You make me sound like a feral cat.”

2- Ted Mullens : “Apparently I only I have two minutes so I’m going to make this quick. Hi. I’m Ted. I’m newly single. And I’d be kidding myself if I told you I hadn’t wanted to do this every day for the last two years.”

3- Patrick Brewer: “David, I’ve spent most of my life not knowing what right was supposed to feel like, and then I met you. And everything changed. You make me feel right, David.”

Schitt's Creek David Rose quotes

4- Johnny Rose : “Well, David, these kids of parties take time and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother’s 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.”

5- Stevie Budd : “I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.”

6- Moira Rose :” Is tests code for open heart surgery? You can tell me, I once played a nurse on M.A.S.H.”

7- Alexis Rose: “Hide your diamonds, hide your exes…I’m a little bit Alexis.”

Schitt's Creek quotes

8- Patrick Brewer: “You’re my Mariah Carey.”

9- Moira Rose : “Sadly it’s not custom this time around, Alexis. Mommy had to shop off the rack. Fortunately, I discovered something called a promo code.”

10- Alexis Rose: “Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send him off with someone who like wasn’t a threat. Like, Pippa Middleton or Rihanna.”

Schitt's Creek David Rose quotes

11- Johnny Rose : “Welcome. Hope you’re enjoying the cinnamon buns and vodka. We thought it was festive in a Scandinavian sort of way.”

12- Stevie Budd : “You’re wearing a leather sweater in the dead of summer. You look good.”

13- Stevie Budd : “You’d think there’d be more of a market for oversized paintings of other people’s families.”

Schitt's Creek David Rose quotes

14- Moira Rose : “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.”

15- Patrick Brewer: “So I used to come on this hike a lot when I just moved here. I was developing feelings for this guy I had just gotten into business with. And…I didn’t know what to do about it because I didn’t know if that guy had the same feelings or if I’d ever be able to muster up the courage to let him know how I felt. And now, here he is, the love of my life, standing in front from of me. And this just felt like the perfect place to ask you to marry me.”

16- David Rose: “Fall off a bridge, please.”

Schitt's Creek David Rose quotes

17- Johnny Rose : “Tweet us on Facebook!”

18- Moira Rose : “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.”

Schitt's Creek Moira quotes

19- Stevie Budd : “My car is worth less than your pants.”

Schitt's Creek David Rose quotes

20- Alexis Rose: “I walk through life in really nice shoes.”

21- Alexis Rose: “So as Jocelyn said, my name is Alexis, and yes, I did not finish high school. Um, it’s this long, boring story involving a yacht, and a famous soccer player, and like a ton of mushrooms. Anyway, I think it would be so great if we could just go around the room, and everyone could tell me like, five things about yourself.”

22- Johnny Rose : “You know, I remember when Alexis was just a chubby-faced little girl racing around the house in that banned babywalker, and now she’s spending time In a drug lord’s trunk?”

23- Moira Rose : What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic, but it was also wrong.”

24- Alexis Rose: “You know what, David, you get murdered first for once.”

25- David Rose: ” I love our relationship. I love it when you order me pizza. I love when you use words like inventory! I even love those stupid rubber things you put on your fingers cause you think they flip the pages faster. They don’t flip the pages faster. They don’t flip the pages faster!”

Schitt's Creek quotes

26- David Rose: “Funky is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iphone case. This is luxury.”

27- Moira Rose : “Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?”

28- David Rose: Anyone who sells counterfeit luxury beauty products is clearly a sociopath!”

29- Moira Rose : “Let’s go. I’ve had enough waking hours for one day.”

30- Moira Rose : “Fold in the cheese!”

31- David Rose:  “What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit-soaked dump to galavant around the world with her dumb, shipping-heir, loser boyfriend she’s known for three months?!”

32- David Rose: “I bought a cologne once in Japan. It’s supposed to smell like the aftermath of a car crashing into a cedar tree.”

33- Alexis Rose: “Eww, David.”

34- David Rose: “Okay, I’m sorry I’m not a condom.”

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